The Lyrics

Written for The Evelyn Situation by Andrew Durkin

(c) 1994 Andrew Durkin
The Job Song Fruits and Vegetables King Obadiah
Coins Secretaries, Bosses & Coffee Building a Fire
The Enemy One Day in Health Class Medusa
Prayer Rhiannon The Piano
I Wish I Was You Planet of the Apes Winter
Halloween Avalanche Guilty Pleasures
Adam and Eve They Rocks in your Head

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The Job Song.

This guy with horns said, "There's a cure for your financial state: don't do the thing you love, cause good things come to those who hate. I'm a powerful man, and though I think you're a slob, if you will flatter me, I'll get you a real job."
"Give up your dreams," he said, "Yes, that's the way to have it all. Look at your cousin Neil: he's young, he's rich (he's going bald). He may be dead in a decade or two, but he drives a porsche, and yes, you can drive one, too. Why don't you get a real job?"
Having just finished school, I'd never met his type before. "You're very kind," I said, "And yes, you're right, I'm very poor. But I don't see how your scheme could help me, And so I wonder if you might not tell me more. Why should I get a real job?"
"Well, don't you want to be like the people on TV? So bored and jaded and doing something that you have always hated? Just give in! How could it be a sin? The big machine must keep on rolling on... Why don't you get a real job? For I have here in store each numbered casket for your generation: I've been waiting with anticipation! Truth, you'll find, is on the dotted line, so be a good sport. That's what life is for!"
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Fruits and Vegetables.

The fruits and vegetables are out to get me.
I can see the kumquats making their way to my plate.
My biggest fear, though, is the cucumber patch: one of them might ask my wife on a date.
But they won't get me with their health or their hygiene.
No, they won't get me with their charts or their graphs or their facts.
Why should I care if there's a salisbury steak that's rotting in my intestinal tract?
Yes, I know the cows and sheep take up too much land,
and we treat them poorly, but you don't understand:
what would I tell the fellows?
How could I say that I'm a "tofu and potatoes" kind of guy?
And if I'm constipated, if I have heartburn,
if there is grease enough in me to lubricate a van,
I can buy a remedy for my pain from the folks who care the least about the land.
(Plenty of rutabagas, kiwis and cauliflowers, brussel sprouts, tomatoes, papayas, and dates.
Plenty of avocados, carrots and watermelons: hurry up, come eat them before it's too late!)
Environmental wackos are out to get me:
I know I'm supposed to hate and despise them a lot
for some important reason that I can't say (I would if I could, I guess I forgot).
But they won't get me with their trees or their oceans.
No, they won't get me with their fish or their owls or their bears.
I like the city fine, although I am sure a stop sign cannot recycle the air.
"There is no global warming," so says my only source
(he's been refuted by the rest of the world, of course).
It doesn't matter, cause you know what the bankers say:
"That could never happen in the USA!"
And at this minute now I never go hungry,
and at this minute now I always have plenty to breathe,
and at this minute now I'll piss on the earth
(and I'm pissing into the breeze).
(Plenty of artichokes, spinach, lettuce and peppers, celery, asparagus, green beans and kale!
Plenty of zucchini, radishes, squash and raisins: eat your fruits and vegetables today without fail!)
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The Enemy.

This is how it was in the cold cold northeast
while the wind blew the city smoke around
from underneath the quilt she whispered:
I can't stay here anymore
Deep down I have felt this for a long time
I've been meaning to act but I get so behind
I just want to be up on a southern mountain
by the blue air and the green valley surrounded
where it hurts to breathe and you can be who you are
and you can be closer to heaven
I can't abide the impurity of city life
the violence and the degradation
my ideals have all been destroyed or beaten
And the wind continued louder
And the wind continued louder
I just want to be up on a southern mountain
by the blue air and the green valley surrounded
where it hurts to breathe and you can be who you are
and you can be closer to heaven
So slowly she got up off the couch got dressed and went outside
leaving me here to wrestle with an enemy I don't even know how to describe
in the cold cold northeast in the cold cold northeast
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One Day in Health Class.

One day in health class the teacher stopped short in the middle of a sentence about nicotine:
"Listen up, pupils, as of right now this class is canceled. I need a smoke, cause I'm feelin' mean."
In came an army of small white smelly things
the room became filled with small white smelly things
happy to satisfy the urges of spring, the small white small white smelly things
The children just sat there dumbfounded as the things threw out the window
the horrible model of a smoker's lung which the teacher had just used
to help explain that the dangers tobacco posed were many and far flung
There was the army of small white smelly things
working the room were the small white smelly things
rolling and lobbying around on the floor the small white small white smelly things
Pages and pages and pages of words
they facelessly typed at their no-lap laptops
submitting white papers to PR experts and lawyers who wanted to kick a little ass
What did the children think as their teacher was forcibly carried out on the shoulders of the things?
What did the teacher think as he realized with every fix he was more and more broke?
What did the things think as they goose-stepped all over the world, touting their wares?
What was everyone thinking? "I'll wear your ring, you small white small white smelly thing."
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Coins.

And when she was a young girl she would stand by the door
to hear the street musicians who came in from the north
How the coins would rattle in their bass guitars
how their voices trembled out there in the dark
And she would think of gypsies, hobos, exiles, soldiers, migrants heading for the coast
and spewing out of foundries and high-walled towers she'd see the streams and streams of coins
And then she chose to move out as far as she could go
she lived in California she lived in Ohio
in lonely hours she would think about the coins that shine
On the floors of rivers and in the ceiling of the sky
And she would think of gypsies, hobos, exiles, soldiers, migrants heading for the coast
and spewing out of foundries and high-walled towers she's see the streams and streams of coins
And there were times when she felt so cheap and so used
touched and handled by people she never really knew
But what else could she do, for she would not be reabsorbed,
melted down or cast back in the forge
She had nights of worry she had guilt as well
She left behind her background for the foreground of herself
And she would tell her friends: "Yes, this is how I feel.
Bite down on me gently to see if I am real."
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# 12

flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood
I have formed you well
formed you and your body as a shield
to insulate myself
no mystery all is clear to me
this is how I love you darling
because I cannot love myself
and one day I did come to find a crack that ran through all that I held dear
splitting down the island of my mind with a philosophy of fear
but no history all is now to me
this is how I love you darling
because I cannot love myself
I have been a victim all my life
sick sick sick sick sick sick sick
you will never know better
I will keep you in this house forever
I will shrink you down to size
put my words in your mouth
put my words in your mouth
put my hands in your mouth
sick sick sick sick sick sick sick
I will never know better
I will circle round this house forever
I will circle through red skies
plant my words in your ground
plant my words in your ground
plant my hurt in your ground
this is how I love you darling because I love you
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I Wish I Was You.

People say I should be satisfied to be just who I am
People say I should not interfere with the plan
But every time I hear about you on the TV or the radio
You remind me of the way I felt long ago
How I wish I was you
Maybe then I'd be free
Maybe then I'd be true
Maybe then I'd be me
I can see myself inside your expensive clothes and your body too
I can see myself in charge of your little zoo
Driving up and down so safe and sound inside your tinted car
Don't you know it's only luck put you where you are?
How I wish I was you
Maybe then I 'd be free
Maybe then I'd be true
Maybe then I'd be me
No I'm not lonely
Yes I am
No I'm not lonely
Yes I am
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Winter

I have been waiting for the winter and now it's here
so I walk down to the sea where silence awaits me
then I hear voices and they want me to understand
there is a happy occasion coming people are dancing people are singing
I spend another day since you went away
and how I'm in love with the winter I cannot say
but since it's here again I will not turn my back upon a friend
you always told me that you hated to see the winter
I still remember how you turned away from the shortening days
so on by one I throw my passions into the fire
I have no right to be thinking of you
you don't feel this like I do
I spend another day since you went away
and how I'm in love with the winter I cannot say
but since it's here again I will not turn my back upon a friend
I'll be safe when the snow arrives
one cold night's all I need
my warm room will be paradise of empathy
I spend another day since you went away
and how I'm in love with the winter I cannot say
but since it's here again I will not turn my back upon a friend
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"Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" --Charlton Heston, Planet of the Apes

Planet of the Apes.

Lost in space, many light years from the earth
I crash-landed on this tiny ball of dirt
taken prisoner by a race of bi-ped chimps
trying to figure out how they spoke without moving their lips
Welcome to the Planet of the Apes -- you will not escape
I was questioned by one ape who reminded me of you
he'd tilt his head to one side like you used to do
he had your eyes and voice and maybe, too, your brain
and you both had an odor not unlike polyurethane
Welcome to the Planet of the Apes -- my head began to ache
something was not groovy
the Planet of the Apes I thought was just a movie
Now I should get away cause something here is foul
he is sounding less and less like Roddy McDowell
(Planet of the Apes I should get away)
So I described to him the earth and all its charms
telling him I'd much rather be back home in your arms when
I was done with all the details of my past he jumped up, shouting joyfully,
"My dear, you're home at last!"
Welcome to the Planet of the Apes -- there must be some mistake
As I rode off on my horse with my opposable thumbs in view
what did I see half-buried in the surf but a giant statue of you
Welcome to the Planet of the Apes
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King Obadiah.

King Obadiah was now dying
He kept a suitcase by his bed
On cold machines he was relying
To cool the madness in his head
He called his counselors into conference
He said: My boy must take my place:
You'll find him down by the riverbed
With makeup on his face
Makeup on his face
They found the boy in contemplation
His earthly years were twenty-odd
They said: You have no need for trepidation
For we're just messengers of god
He said: I know what you are doing here
And I don't want no part of that
I've looked for god since I was a child
And I haven't found him in your kingdom yet
I just want to lie with my love all day
Travel around the world, and mean what I say
And I can deal with earthquakes, fires and floods
But I can't deal with the things that you...
I can't deal with the things that you are guilty of
King Obadiah... King Obadiah... King Obadiah... King Obadiah...
King Obadiah got the message
And before they lay him in the ground
He sent a trinity of huntsmen
To shoot the whippersnapper down
And someone else became the monarch there
And someone else couldn't get away
And won't you forgive me if I do say
Won't you forgive me if I do say
Won't you forgive me if I do say
That this is how we live today
King Obadiah... King Obadiah...
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Halloween

I got so bored at your Halloween party
I couldn't find you in that freak show around me
I searched the whole house for a sign that you loved me
(sign that you love me, sign of fidelity)
Is that you apple dunking? When are you coming up for air?
Or are you in the bathroom changing the color of your hair?
I get the feeling you're avoiding me, although you say you care...
How can I know what you mean? (when you're in love with Halloween)
Don't forget our love is still green (and you're in love with Halloween)
I turn around and you are never where you said you'd be, no
You're in love with Halloween
Yes, I've got reservations that I'd like to vent
Nobody seems to know just where the real you went
Role playing only works if it's entertainment
(If it's entertainment, not if it's permanent)
And now your analyst has no idea who you are
And I've looked everywhere but can't find your birthmark or your scar
When I was young, nobody told me hide and seek would be this hard
How can I know what you mean?
(You're in love with Halloween)
Don't forget our love is still green
(You're in love with Halloween)
I turn around and you are never where you said you'd be, no
You're in love with Halloween
Do you love me, don't you love me?
When this night is over, then this love is over I fear
So if you dress up as old Dracula, I won't be surprised
But if you try to be yourself, I'll say, "Well! That's a new disguise!"
I'm sick of jack-o-lanterns, all I can see are pumpkin pies
How can I know what you mean?
(You're in love with Halloween)
Don't forget our love is still green
(You're in love with Halloween)
I turn around and you are never where you said you'd be, no
You're in love with Halloween
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avalanche

how can I kiss you through this avalanche
how can I kiss you through this avalanche
when I can hardly stand up straight
and I can barely stay awake
and I can't maintain my own needs
how can I kiss you through this avalanche
how can I kiss you through this avalanche
when everything I say or do
you interpret just for you
without thinking once of me
everyone is watching
everyone can see
everyone is watching
everyone is after me
how can I hold you when the bombs come down
how can I hold you when the bombs come down
when I am fighting them alone
with no supporters of my own
with no relief to comfort me
how can I hold you when the bombs come down
how can I hold you when the bombs come down
when I don't have the extra hands
with which to answer your demands
you must think I know everything
everyone is watching
everyone can see
everyone is watching
everyone is after me
how can I kiss you through this avalanche
how can I kiss you through this avalanche
when I can hardly stand up straight
and I can barely stay awake
and I can't maintain my own needs
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guilty pleasures

I can't believe that I'm sitting in heaven
because I've lied and I've stolen and I've destroyed all my enemies
and you tell me that I'm only human
I can live with the tension or I can live it up with the release
these are guilty pleasures
these are our human measures
the dying man cries out Lord have mercy on my soul
All I can think is I've got to stop thinking
and I've got to stop feeling
and every war I've waged how I have won
and my kingdom is burning and reeling
and I can't stop feeling and oh, what have I done, what have I done
these are guilty pleasures
these are our human measures
the dying man cries out Lord have mercy on my soul
Why did I treat you like you were a stone
that I threw in the ocean and let it sink down
where the bones and the tears of the wounded are withered and stored
in the back of my mind there is more
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"Thus the hideous Medusa, whose glance turned men to stone, was originally a fertility goddess. The snakes that coiled around her head once symbolized regeneration, but became an image of death, terror, ugliness..." -- Marilyn French, Beyond Power

medusa medusa was feeling so low just drawing stick figures on the window she gave them love and she gave them rain she asked them to gather berries in her name berries in her name this isn't funny this is not exciting this is more than i was prepared to deal with i would even say that this is entertainment for the deranged medusa said in a voice low you're making six figures but what do you know the tallest towers in the sky the biggest raindrop in my eye raindrop in my eye this isn't funny this is not exciting this is more than i was prepared to deal with i would even say that this is entertainment for the deranged medusa these are desperate times for us both there are miracles we will never live to see but medusa i will hold you closer than close and i'll pray for that reality medusa was the last to know as they built the altar to the vultures and crows they say on that day history began they say on that day someone had a plan where's the plan where's the plan where's the PLAN

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"One fatal tree there stands, of knowledge called, Forbidden them to taste. Knowledge forbidden? Suspicious, reasonless. Why should their lord Envy them that? Can it be sin to know, Can it be death?" - John Milton, Paradise Lost

"No!" - Evelyn

adam and eve. walking home from wittenburg i saw a woman whirling on the earth she spun a web into the sky a thousand miles high she spun around so silently and this is what she said to me adam and eve are still in the kitchen looking at the cracks where the truth is missing and saying WHY saying WHY WHY do you have to do this thing adam and eve are still going crazy looking at the floor where the truth is lazy and saying WHY saying WHY WHY do you have to do this thing WHY do you have to do this thing walking home from wittenburg i saw an army burning up the earth the killing of ten thousand years rang in their ears and when they came to where i was this is what i said to us adam and eve are still in the kitchen looking at the cracks where the truth is missing and saying WHY saying WHY WHY do you have to do this thing adam and eve are still going crazy looking at the floor where the truth is lazy and saying WHY saying WHY WHY do you have to do this thing WHY do you have to do this thing don't close your eyes my love i am waiting here i am waiting here adam and eve are friends for all these years for all these years they're waiting hand in hand til we come around til we come around eve with her telescope and adam with his ear down to the GROUND

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Building a Fire.

We went away for a weekend together
High in the mountains and high in the heather
I brought my anger and you brought your fear
We boarded the bus that took us out of here
We stayed awake all night gathering fuel
For building a fire for lovers and fools
We lay it all down in a clearing that dawn
And slept as it dried out all day in the hot sun
Setting the wood took three or four hours
But slowly and carefully we built a tower
We worked much harder than we'd ever known
And when we were done I could swear it looked like home
Then we stood there watching as we burned away
This beautiful thing we had labored to make
I shut my eyes and I thought of our joy:
It's something we make and it's something we destroy
It's something we make and it's something we destroy
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Rocks in your Head.

You will never be no one
You will never be loved by no one
You will never be beautiful
You will never be smart like Alice
You will never get with the program
You will never get a good job
You will never make lots of money
You will never hold public office
Rocks in your head all of them said
That's all they said
Rocks in your head all of them said
Until they were dead
That's all they said
You will never be profound
You will never be powerful
You will never get into heaven
You will never be cool like Robert
When you gonna get your shit together?
When you gonna get your shit together?
When you gonna get your shit together?
When you gonna be like me
Rocks in your head all of them said
That's all they said
Rocks in your head all of them said
Until they were dead
That's all they said
And all that I could say to them was free free free I'm free
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Secretaries and Their Bosses / Coffee

"Before noon, type me 200 copies of the Bible and the phone book.
They must be perfect, not sloppy. Just think how good you will make me look!"
These are the secretaries and their bosses
it's how they function everyday
I asked if I could come along but they said "No way!"
All the secretaries are women
They're supposed to be "beautiful," of course
They're supposed to be everybody's mothers
They're treated like everybody's whores
I saw the secretaries and their bosses
their little ship was tipped and tossed
I asked if I could come along and they said "Get lost!"
The only relief that I get in this place is hanging around by the coffee machine
I don't know why this little bean gets me high
Perhaps because it's picked by people who are worn out like me
Coffee, coffee... pour me another, pour me another mug
Coffee, coffee... it's my favorite Colombian drug
Coffee, coffee... and when I pray, I pray for a heaven made of
Coffee, coffee
It stimulates me more than you do when we're kissing
and during that big discussion it will keep me awake
Astronauts like to drink it
Zen Masters like to drink it
Musicians like to drink it because of the vibrato it makes
Coffee, coffee... when am I gonna, when am I gonna learn
Coffee, coffee... I may stray but I will always return to
Coffee coffee... and when I die, please place my ashes in the urn
Coffee, coffee
Perhaps you feel this is an unbalanced portrait by someone who has an attitude
Be glad I don't say what I really think Be glad I don't let myself be rude
I've known the secretaries and their bosses
I've seen them function in my time
I asked if I could be one too, then I changed my mind
"Type faster!"
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They (By Paul Badalamenti) They knew each other from when they were young, when they played in each other's expansive, suburban tree-sparse backyards. Their parents were friends and they all got together in the summer for picnics and swimming. And when they came of age they would go back behind the shed where they discovered things about each other; different from when they played doctor and house. And they took lessons into their dating years, when they saw little of each other but even now when they get together they still feel young.
 

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Rhiannon

Well she was still a young girl and it wasn't long ago
when she walked in winter circles with a lantern in the snow
and she held a man who loved her...
at least that's what he said
And where in the world in Rhiannon
Her friends are scared and her folks are worried
they wanna know why she's not coming home no more
Where in the world is Rhiannon
Back to the woods, back to he hurry
back to the way it used to be before
Well who was last to see her, tell me who was last to know
as she stumbled through the morning in the darkness in the snow
and who dreamt he saw the shimmer of a teardrop far away
And where in the world in Rhiannon
Her friends are scared and her folks are worried
they wanna know why she's not coming home no more
Where in the world is Rhiannon
Back to the woods, back to he hurry
back to the way it used to be before
"Rhiannon" I shout again
"Rhiannon" as loud as I am able
"Rhiannon" I write across the sky
"Rhiannon" I carve into the table
Why is there so much to bear?
Why is it so easy to be broken?
You can listen everywhere: important words remain unspoken
She's not coming home no more
So if you come to this land with a question in your eye
they will tell you, "Do not ask us, 'cause we haven't a reply."
And you'll find a lonely lantern in the forest near the town...
And where in the world in Rhiannon
Her friends are scared and her folks are worried
they wanna know why she's not coming home no more
Where in the world is Rhiannon
Back to the woods, back to he hurry
back to the way it used to be before
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Prayer

Ring out them brass bells
that brazen sound
look in the book for the truth about war
dig up them bones from the burying ground
And it feels like I'm dreaming
How long have I been here dreaming?
All this time I thought that you were real
Bring out them big lights
and tie them down
I'll be here standing all night
I'll be here 'til the river runs into this town
And it feels like I'm dreaming
How long have I been here dreaming?
All this time I thought that you were real
And when that day comes, I'll be alive
And when that day comes, I'll be free again
Let me breathe again, let me breathe again
And it feels like I'm going home
And it feels like I'm dreaming
How long have I been here dreaming?
All this time I thought that you were real
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The Piano

You got rid of the piano
These are desperate times in which we're living
You got rid of the piano
how I wish to God that you were kidding
You got rid of the piano, my God
what'll we do now?
You got rid of the piano
You said no one listens anymore
You got rid of the piano
how I wish you'd let me know before
You got rid of the piano, my God
These are desperate times
Now the piano sits in some junkyard, in some old memory
Now the piano sits in some museum, in some old cemetery
You got rid of the piano
These are desperate times in which we're living
You got rid of the piano
how I wish to God that you were kidding
You got rid of the piano, my God
what'll we do now?