5/31/04 | 11:56pm: ho donuts + redirection

Driving down 202 tonight, John and I spied a burned-out Krispy Kreme sign touting Ho Donuts. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet! I knew they were just the thing for me. (bwa-ha-ha).

Being totally unable to pass up a Ho Donut, we went inside said establishment and received two free Ho Donuts. This was my first hot, free Krispy Kreme donut experience, and I admit the feeling is one I shant forget for at least 18 hours as my pancreas recovers from shouting "I can't give 'errrrrrr anymorrrrre, Captain!"

It was very tasty, but waaaaaaaaay too much. And to make the situation worse, I felt guilty for eating a free donut without actually purchasing anything, so we bought 2 more donuts each and sat down next to the icing-waterfall machine and munched on a second fried confection. Good heavens, I'm dyin'.

I really want to go make myself a salad now. A nice, big organic green salad with some walnuts and balsamic vinegar and nothing else. No oil, no raspberry stuff, just frikkin' leaves and acid and some crunchy Omega-3s.

Not that the thought of eating anything else this evening appeals to me, but on the off-chance my great-grandmother from Italy was right, eating your salad after the meal (instead of before) helps push things through, if ya know what I mean. Hopefully the donuts won't stick as much if they've got some radicchio powerhouse action goin' on.   [ Don't worry, I won't give you an update on that one. :-) ]

Speaking of vegetables, I'm back on the Trader Joe's salsa bandwagon again. For a week or two there I was making my own (very simple: tomatoes (skin on), onions, garlic, green bell peppers (not much), 587 pounds of cilantro, plus lime juice, white vinegar and a little salt) and now that I'm back on the TJ's, I find it a little too sweet. They use apple cider vinegar and I prefer the Klingon bite of the stuff that you use to clean out your humidifier.   K'plagh!

In other news, I was randomly asked this weekend what personal trait is a dealbreaker in my mind when it comes to marriage... like, what am I simply unable to tolerate. I'm not sure what prompted this out-of-the-blue question, but I guess I was happy it was asked. I was also a little blueballed not to be able to answer fully (got interrupted), but ya know, it would have been a long conversation to be sure.

I gave it a lot of thought once I got back to my quiet house and decided to write it out. Amy is always great for compiling really effective lists, so I took her advice (from like 2 years ago, mind you.. hee hee, better late than never) and got jotting. Or typing. Yeah.

It occurred to me that I never really sat down and carefully considered precisely what I'm looking for in a partner/spouse. I mean, I know when I see something I don't want, but when faced with a few options for what I do/might want, it's impossible to choose. I'm like this with lots of things... like, I know I want ice cream, but to know if I want butter pecan or mint chocolate chip puzzles me and I'll stand there for an hour making a decision. And while I'm trying to make the decision, the only thought process in my head is, "Give me ice cream" and not "Well, I had butter pecan last week, so mint chocolate chip might be a refreshing tasty treat" or whatever. I'm not thinking things through to a conclusion, I'm just idling on the initial query without making any progress at all. It's like my brain gets stuck, so I wind up telling the ice cream jockey to "just surprise me."

Anyway, the dealbreaker list is long and probably pie-in-the-sky, which could partly be why I'm still single at 33. :-D Which isn't to say I'm at all unhappy being single at 33. Yesterday it was said, "I don't consider myself 35 and single; I consider myself 35 and not miserable." I think of the people I could have possibly married, and how things might be not-so-optimal right now... so it's a blessing to be single and not in some suckass situation 'til death do you part. It felt good to compile the list.

One of the things on the list got me thinking about this habit of mine-- the redirection. I'm not sure if it's a good habit or a bad habit; I guess it depends on the circumstance. (I have a few like that.)

The redirection is both an act of courtesy and an act of self-preservation. Oftentimes it's unconscious (or maybe just totally second-nature to me now).   Essentially, when I feel a line of questioning or comment potentially venturing into territory that could be either uncomfortable, long and drawn-out, or "muddying the clear waters," I respond to the question/comment with a smirk or a slightly smart-ass remark which effectively ends the thought and opens the floor for a new topic of conversation. It gives the person an out. It's been beaten into my head that "talking about us" is bad and clingy and yucky, so whenever conversations start to venture into that realm, I have learned that the appropriate, easy response is to change the subject so nobody has to say or hear anything they might kick themselves for later. We've all been in situations where we've ventured into this "us talking" territory and have said some things we've regretted. So I think it's only courteous to offer the other person an out-- a last chance to change their mind before opening a can of worms that perhaps they hadn't thought through quite enough to broach.

The good thing about the redirection is that it has saved lives, egos and face; I find that 90% of the times I offer it, the opportunity is quickly snatched up and the conversation changed. The bad thing about the redirection is that, I've been told, it makes me appear not-very-approachable or amenable to talking about "us" or whatever other thing warrants discussion. Alas, this thin, crunchy layer of redirection is easily penetrable with a second go-round. Meaning, if you ask me something and I give you a brush-off answer, it's because I'm giving you an out. However, a second asking of the same question will almost always open all communication channels. I'll know you're serious, and I'll know that you really do want to actually talk about it, even if it does turn into a long risky thing (kinda like Persians and food). On the very microscopic chance something is brought up that I'm REALLY not comfortable discussing, then I will gracefully say that it's a private post. :-)   And even then, you can usually get it out of me if I'm feeling safe.

My fear is that the redirection could be perceived as me not taking something seriously, or possibly me taking it too seriously; or worst of all: me being a drama queen who needs to have all information dragged out of her.   Bleccch-- hate that.   Hate having to do that, too. My philosophy is, if you want to know something, ask twice. Just make sure you're prepared for the truth. You might not like what you hear. So, if you get the redirection treatment, consider thanking me. :-)

Fortune Teller Miracle Fish today tells me that I am: somewhere between In Love and Indifferent. (We've got a moving tail and a slightly twitchy head.)   I think my fish might be defective. Or maybe I'm just really boring and predictable...