06/04/04: Jill in Review

I know, I know... haven't posted in a while. Don't have much to report really, except that roadtrip plans are moving ahead, John's getting more situated with his move every day which is a Very Good Thing, and my apartment is slowly being pieced back together.   In lieu of more formal prose, we're again, going with the listo.

  • Turns out that Accenture is up to some shady stuff, IMHO. I don't want to be seen as an Accenture-hater until after I quit so I'm not gonna post too much about it, but what I will post is all publically-accessible anyway: In a nutshell, Accenture was just awarded a $5-10 billion governmental contract to verify the identities of all people who visit the US. This makes me a little itchy right there, but what really makes me break out in hives is this.

  • Looks like Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 is gonna finally be released, and I'm so hot for it I could barf.

  • What started out as a simple tub recaulk has turned into my whole bathroom getting regutted, re-drywalled, and I'm getting a totally new tub and shower. The air duct sanitizing guys should be here within the hour, Randall (the mulletted maintenance guy formerly known as MikeMattMilt, MortMaxMelchior, etc.) is on his way over to fix the hole in my wall and to do some the drywall stuff in the bathroom... all I need is a disco ball and my bathroom will be the hippest party in town.

  • Go ahead. Make some stupid maintenance-guy hole-plugging reference. You know you were thinking it, you slob. ;-)

  • I was supposed to go see Dennis Miller in Atlantic City tonight, but Jerm has found a more suitable date. So tonight, a nice dinner and some respite, methinks.

  • I've gotta go potty but I can't because there are 900 people in my bathroom. The whole pee-shy thing doesn't help at times like these.

  • Very excited to see Jesus Hopped the A-Train at the Wilma on June 27th.

  • White chocolate is slowly losing its appeal for me, and I'm a little concerned about this.

  • If you wanna donate mp3s to the Roadtrip Mix, let me know and I'll give you the FTP coordinates.

    In other news... It's review-time in Accenture-land, so we're asked to both solicit and provide performance reviews for peers and underlings alike.

    I read one of my peer reviews today, and it started off as, "Words cannot begin to express the positive impact Jill has had..." blah blah blah.

    While this is certainly very nice, I'm wondering, if words cannot begin to express it, then what communication medium can?    

    "Jill's positive impact on this project can only be demonstrated by interpretive dance."     or "Jill's exemplary management style can only be accurately represented by this sculpture."   (please click it, oh God, please...)

    What else... About four flies have managed to find their way into my apartment, and they are those spastic kind of flies that just ram themselves into the window 82763 times a minute. You'd think with 87-million frikkin' eyes they'd have a little more sense (very very bad pun not intended at all). Gently encouraging them to leave via the front door has proven fruitless.

    This afternoon I was trying to enjoy my nice lunch and this one fooker simply HAD to orbit my head. He was not happy flying anywhere else; I guess the novelty of the window-ramming had worn off or something. I tried shooing it away, but my brain's powerful gravitational field pulled it back in. I yelled obscenities at it, but that made no difference whatsoever. I tried swatting at it, but it was too fast for me, and I wished I had a way of slowing it down.

    I wistfully recalled my Advanced Biology class where we used that super-viscous slime Proto-Slo to slow down hasty euglena, and wished I had some for my flying friend here.

    And then... DING! I realized I did have such a thing: Aussie Instant Freeze Super-Hold Hairspray.

    Dude, you haven't lived until you've sprayed a light-speed fly with this crap. One second it's whizzing around the room, and then next minute... erk! doonk.

    Human: 1. Fly: 0.

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

    Fortune Teller Miracle Fish today tells me that I am: Indifferent.   Ehh, sure. What the hell. {shrug}