06/05/04: I wanna be in a punk band

I found this scrawled on the back of a ripped piece of paper jammed in an old college notebook. I'm not sure if I even wrote it. It's definitely my college scrawl, and it's also my kind of doofus humor, but I can't be sure. "Rashid Smith" is very me... but the rest of it, dunno. I do recall singing it with my fellow music major Jody Myers before an SAI meeting. Maybe Jody and I wrote it together er sumthin'.

I'm in class, need something to write with
Jot down my name, it's Rashid Smith
Need something now, need something quick
Can't write with my nose, can't write with my.... HAND.

Don't want no magic markers that smell
Don't want to crayons, Lord knows
It's times like this I'm happy I keep
a sharpened pencil up my nose

Pencil up my nose, pencil up my nose
I always keep it there
Pencil up my nose, pencil up my nose
Ain't no pen in my derriere

I'm so dainty. :-)
Apparently I hadn't grown out of my bass-player-in-a-punk-band phase.

Thing is, I don't think I'm even out of it now. When I was in high school, I was in an awesomely sucktastic punk band called JDL, which featured Jim Glauner on guitar, Greg DelSavio on rhythm guitar (which was a crying shame because he was an amazing bass player), Dan Iradi singing, Leandro Crespo on drums and me on bass. Sometimes I think we really could have rocked out if Greg played bass and I sang more... but then we would have missed the point. Our charm was in our total we-don't-give-a-crap attitude, and the fact that Dan couldn't really sing and I was a horrible bassist.

Every so often I really get jonesin' to have a JDL reunion and play Dead Milkmen and Descendants covers and our original tunes like, "I Wanna be a Garbage Man", "In the Mall", "John C. Calhoun" and "(I Wanna Be on) MTV".

I mean dude, check out these hott lyrixx penned by Dan and Jim circa 1987:

I wanna be on MTV
just Adam, Julie Mark and me
I wanna see videos by the Jackson Five
Win Dr. Pepper, a lifetime supply

MTV, MTV, I wanna be on MTV
MTV, MTV... oh my God, it's Tito!
(Let me see!)

I love Martha Quinn
When she plays videos I always tune in
now she's gone and it's broken my heart (alternate lyric: now she's back and it's tearin' me apart)
Is that Julie Brown's face or did her mother fart?

(guitar solo)

MTV, MTV, I wanna be on MTV
MTV, MTV, they play all the videos you wanna see
MTV, MTV, I wanna be on MTV
MTV, MTV, I had it put in my bathroom
so I can watch it
when I
a pee

I wanna get brainwashed by
M... T.... V!!

I mean, you can't pay money for perfect lines like, "Is that Julie Brown's face or did her mother fart?"   It's magic, baby.

And then there's John C. Calhoun, which I recall having something to do with writing, but I have no idea what... and these stanzas are most definitely out of order...

I was driving in my car
when I saw John C. Calhoun
He opened up his window
and he flashed me a moon

Calhoun shaved off his eyebrows
he liked to disco in the raw
and when he went to sleep
he watched reruns of Hee Haw

We studied Calhoun in History
he was a real mean dude
he liked to surfboard in the shower
and play hockey in the nude

Calhoun wanted to be President
but he was only Secretary of State
Calhoun had 1500 wives
but all he did was masturbate

One of these days I should take the old JDL recordings I have and digitize them before the tape degrades further. It'd be fun to have 'em to play for the grandkids or something.

You know, now that I think more about it, maybe I'll forego the reunion tour. There's little more pathetic than a bunch of mid-30s people trying to recapture their high school glory days, so maybe I'll just dream about it. John and I were talking about the perils of being adults and staying relevant as you age... and I don't think this is the way to achieve that.   :-)

OK. Must nap before dinner.

I just need to say, quickly, that I had one of the yummiest breakfasts EVER this morning at the Morning Glory Diner in Philly (10th and Fitzwater). The wait is totally worth it.

Oh and one more thing: There's a reason why the Glade Plug-ins Fresh Mint scent was discontinued and on sale for 50% off at Happy Harry's. It smells like butt (OK, like minty butt).

Fortune Teller Miracle Fish today tells me that I am: In Love   Though admittedly, the fish doesn't seem tremendously enthusiastic about it... I've seen it twitchier. Oh well.