Being unemployed for several weeks and having no routine whatsoever has given me a(n) unique opportunity to observe myself doing what I want to do when I want to do it. During the day, I have nowhere to be particularly, so I'm free to waste my time in whatever way suits me at that moment. Sleep in a bit, read a book, paint my toes, make a batch of pico di gallo, update my LiveJournal with polls about wet socks, eat some walnuts, ya know, important stuff.
Anyhoo, I observed a trend which startled me: I can't stay focused on any given task for more than say, I dunno, 10-15 minutes. I get bored or distracted or my mind wanders and I go do something else, leaving that first thing unfinished. The same thing happens with the second task, until by dinnertime I have 87266 half-finished projects and my place looks like a disaster area. I try to get everything back in order before I go to bed, which is why I haven't been getting to sleep before sunrise for the last 10 days or so.
At first I was a little worried about this pattern I saw, but then I thought, "So what? I've always been infinitely more productive at night once I get my second wind." Sure, it sucks for my neighbors when I'm bashing apart three-pound blocks of Scharffen-Berger chocolate at 2:15am because I felt like making fudge, but ya know, when I'm inspired I gotta go with it, yo. :-)
It seems that all projects I do for myself are analogous to fireworks... a very enthusiastic beginning and then fleh. Projects I take on for others, however, are completed with excitement, fervor and patience. For example: I only fire up my stove/oven when baking/cooking for other people. I love cooking and baking: it's like edible chemistry projects-- what could be better? When I lived with Mosk, I'd cook damn good dinners every night with enthusiasm. But when I have nobody who needs feeding, it's microwave meal, protein shake or salad city for me. And it's not like I don't have the time to cook something really yummy for myself, and it's not like I don't think I'm worth the effort or something... it's just that... well, I just don't care.
In addition, (and not to bring up a totally beaten-to-death subject), if a task has the dubious "obligation" label placed on it by my brain, I can't muster the desire to get started on it. Once the deadline is moments away and a bitchslap is inevitable, then I get cracking and knock it out of the park. Every term paper was written this way and I always received high marks. I don't do things half-assed: my deliverables are spotless and I am proud of my work. But I can't help but think: If I cranked this thing out in 6 hours, imagine what I could have created had I paced myself over the three months I was originally allotted? (Frankly, I can't imagine the results being significantly better, but I've also never tried.)
On a whim, I browsed o'er to WebMD to see what the symptoms are for ADD. It said that adults with ADD were typically exhibiting symptoms as kids that went untreated. Welp, I do remember being in 2nd grade and my teacher would send notes home to my parents complaining about my "constant daydreaming." I should have just said to the teacher, "Look bizzle, I've already proven I know how to add up big numbers, so can you just piss off so I can think about Jawas while the other dopes in this class catch up?" (Something tells me that would have earned me another note home...)
According to WebMD, examples of symptoms of ADD include:
I don't think there's treatment for that.
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| Fortune Teller Miracle Fish today tells me that I am: Indifferent. Ehh, give me 10-15 minutes and I'm sure I'll be something else. ;-) |