9/21/03: Weedings, weddings, they're all the same
I've been to a lot of weddings in the past few months. I am typically not a big fan of weddings, mostly because I'm forced to eat seafood and dance in uncomfortable shoes.
All of this recent wedding exposure has given me an opportunity to compare, contrast and really think about what I'd want (or wouldn't want) for a cool (albeit hypothetical) nuptial event. Stop reading anything more into this, you dork.
If I can't convince my betrothed to elope to The Cosmos Mystery Spot or to the Elvis Chapel of Love, then I guess I'll have to do the somewhat-traditional thing. It kills me to hear horror stories from engaged couples who fight over the difference between turquoise and teal for the reception napkins. I suppose wedding guests expect huge elaborate affairs when they are expected to bring big wedding gifts, but truthfully, I have everything I need from living on my own for so long. I don't need an electric mixer, and Mom says I already have a nice set of china from my grandfather. So what else do I need? I need my friends to come over and give me a warm hug and say good luck. Can't really think of much else. I'd much rather save my parents the hassle and cash expenditure of a big wedding and put a down payment on something useful.
How cool would it be to get married at The Cosmos? All of the wedding pictures would have this 8-degree slant to them. Tee hee!
Anyway, logistically speaking, here's what I envision:
- The wedding party (if there is one) can wear whatever they feel good in. Nothing's worse than worrying about your top falling down all night or worrying about wrecking a rented tux.
- The guests should be comfy; nobody's feet should hurt on my account.
- Readings shouldn't be limited to those of the Biblical variety. (Yep, I'm stealing this directly from Jeff and Mindy's wedding, where Mark read a really warm passage from Winnie the Pooh.)
- The exit music from the church hazta be Take Me Out To The Ballgame, played on the church organ. (I'm sure the Lord likes baseball. I mean, lots of people pray to him at games, right?)
- Instead of renting a big hall for a reception, I'd wanna be somewhere where people could roam around-- they could be inside, they could be outside. Heck, I'd even consider having it in my parents' backyard. Lots of room, nice trees and lawn, big deck, comfy house, plenty of iced tea and clean bathrooms. :-) Or hey, the reception could be at an event, like, a Blue Rocks game or something. (Hmmm. This would certainly make the playing of Take Me Out to the Ballgame much cooler. Though I'm not sure what it would foretell if the Blue Rocks lost.)
- Instead of a band or DJ, we could have our friends jam (Industrial Jazz Group meets Bartholomew Faire... Stefan takes a mean hurdy-gurdy solo in an IJG tune, and Durk takes a theremin improv verse in a 16th century basse danse) and I miiiiiight even be persuaded to rent a karaoke machine to appease The Mosk. All my friends have music degrees practically, so let's put the bastiges to work. The added benefit to this arrangement is that there'd be no chance of hearing the Electric Slide or Finiculi Finicula.
- Instead of wedding cake, there's gotta be wedding pie. A nice apple wedding pie. And maybe we could even do a cherry pie, a rhubarb pie, and a key lime pie for Andy Durkin. (Mmmmm. Pie.)
- None of those bouquet-catching, garter-applying games... but I'd be up for Racko!
- As wedding favors, we could make mix CDs. Nobody needs another swan-shaped toothpick holder.
Ah yes, I can hear my mom having a coronary as she reads this. :-)