It's a bad time to be a technical manager in Wilmington/Philly, considering Accenture just laid off 350 of us all at the same time. The Wilmington / Philly / Baltimore / Central Jersey markets are flooded with people who do what I do.
I just got a call from the recruiter (DAOU) for Children's Hospital of PA. He said that he only has one 3-week gig available for my skill set, and that the other opportunities he has is looking for someone with more coding experience than I have. Poop.
I called ISI (my old company) yesterday to see, for one last time, if there was any hope on the WSFS gig (the position I've been promised since June) or anything else. None.
I contacted my pimp for all positions at BankOne. They said that the people at BankOne love me (I worked there from 1999-2001) and would welcome me back, but the contractor hiring process is taking 1000 years (I can vouch for that, as I did contractor hiring/firing when I worked there) and they don't have a time frame for when I could even get in there to interview, let alone start. Grrrrr.
BTP has crap for crap.
Accenture has only SAP/ABAP programmer openings.
The only job that is going well is the one in San Mateo, which is about 30 minutes south of John's place in SF. They are flying me out tomorrow morning (Wed.) to interview with the planet in the afternoon. I fly back here Thursday night on the red-eye getting me back into Philly Friday morning. The job pays so much money that I cannot even fathom it... it's quite astounding. (Take the amount of time it takes me to, er, eh, take a shower. Multiply that by 8500. It's a little better than that. DUDE.)
I am terrified.
They are very flexible, and they said that they'd like me to start sooner rather than later, and would be happy to do a week on-week off rotation until I get my stuff squared away in Wilmington. This also means that I could be out of here, like, really soon. Did I mention I'm terrified?
Part of me thinks, "Jill, you have been out of work for 3 months. You have nary a dime. You need to work, and you need to work a high-paying job. You must go where the work is. How many stories have you heard just in the past week of people relocating because the job market is so bad out here right now? A million. So why should you be any different?"
And part of me thinks, "A year ago, I never would have considered moving to California. I know I can be happy anywhere, and when I moved to Arizona I knew nobody... no friends, relatives, nada, and within 6 months I had a buzzing social calendar. I will be fine. For everyone's sanity, I can't factor John into this equation. Of course, he is an awesome, precious, magical perk, but I am going there because that's where there is a huge-paying job. I have to do this for me and because I can't afford to be broke any longer."
And part of me thinks I should just go work at Trader Joe's or go temp as a legal secretary until the job market opens back up. But how long will that be? And will I be able to look at myself and smile every morning knowing I'm 33 and bagging groceries? Should I just swallow my pride and go with it, and enjoy the hawaiian shirts they give you? Should I move out of my $820/month apartment and go move into Jeremy's old house and get a roommate, so I'd only be paying $500/month, knowing full well that having having even the most delightful invisible roommate could make me insane?
And then I ask myself, "If I'm so willing to relocate for a job, why am I looking 3,000 miles away? Why not look in closer states?" I don't know. I just haven't. That isn't where my mind was a month ago when I started this. And now that this job offer is so close, it feels stupid to turn it down. (Of course, I could totally shit the bed on my face to face interview, so maybe I'm putting the cart slightly before the horse here.)
I talked to my parents and my cousin Dell last night. Dad was trying to be encouraging, but the bottom line is ideally he doesn't want me to be so far away. He didn't come out and say that, but I know my dad. He did reason, though, that they saw me more when I lived in Arizona it seems; and flights from Newark to SFO are much cheaper than flights from Newark to Phoenix (or from Philly to SFO for that matter). He also said, "And if I know Jill, it's not permanent. You can always come back if you're not happy." My mom, on the other hand, said, "Go for it! Go go go go go go!!! You're gonna love it!" She's totally cheering me on. She used to live in Caifornia and loves it there, and she thinks I'd do really well. Dell was also encouraging and told me to follow my heart.
I know I can handle anything thrown my way, and I know I can make friends and find cool stuff to do. It's just the logistics that scare me. Do I move all my stuff out there? Do I sell all my stuff and go out there empty-handed and buy all new stuff? Do I live closer to John and deal with a sucky commute (the hours aren't flexible for the job, so I would have to commute during rush hour on the 101) or do I live closer to the job and kinda cut myself off from the people and places I know? I mean, people whine in San Francisco if they have to go across town to go someplace, let alone leave the city. So part of me worries that if I live nearer to San Mateo I might as well be living in Utah.
Subject: RE: follow up
Jill - we need to talk about you coming on board as of Nov 1 -
Date sent: Tue, 5 Oct 2004 11:01:41 -0400
From: Mark O.
regardless of what happens at WSFS. We have a bunch of things going on
and your contributions to those efforts would be a plus. Let me know
your schedule so we can get together.
Jill - we need to talk about you coming on board as of Nov 1 -
I just called him back and let him know I'm going to SF for this interview, and if he wants me, he's gotta jump fast and jump high.
OK. Whatever. I need calm and strength. And I also need to get a hair cut, print out directions to the interview and to the hotel, print my rental car stuff, I gotta dye my coiff, iron my shirt and just generally get my krap together for tomorrow. I'll be away from my computer for most of the day... I'll be at Mosk's waiting for a couch delivery and doing my laundry, and then I have rehearsal for The Wall tonight. (Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!)
Breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out...