10/14/04: announcements

I wrote this last night:

I am crapping my pants.

Enterpulse (the SF folks) has been calling me twice a day since Monday looking for my answer as to whether I'm taking the job in California. I avoid their calls or send them nebulous emails since I don't have an answer to give them. Info Systems (the DE folks) has been totally unresponsive all week; I've left now 5 messages of increasing urgency. (Recall that they emailed me right before I flew to SF to interview that they had a firm start date for me of 11/1, and to call them to firm up details. Hence my phone calls.)

Last night I told myself that if I didn't hear from Info Systems by today that I was gonna take the San Mateo job by default. Wouldn't you know it, the Info Systems F-ers called me at 9:00pm tonight, apologizing profusely and telling me to name my price for me to come on board. They left a message for me to call them first thing in the morning, and they would be waiting for my call.

I thought long and hard about everything at that moment, and I decided that I should stay in Delaware.

My logic:
I am an east coast girl, and this is where I belong. I want to raise my hypothetical kids to be snarky east coasters. I want to watch the leaves change and build snowmen and complain about the cold so I enjoy the warmth when it finally arrives. I want to go down the shore and eat vinegar fries and feel the sunlight in my sticky Atlantic Ocean salty hair. This is where I'm from. These are my people. I want to enjoy my east coast Italian heritage. I have magical friends here. I sing in an awesome choir with musicians I respect and genuinely cherish. I am surrounded by people who make me belly laugh at least once an hour. There are diners here. I am part of another rockin' musician collective that is simply amazing and moves me to tears they rock so hard. I have ample theater opportunities here, I am a big, big fish in a small pond and I feel respected and that I make a difference. I feel unconditionally loved, Jeremy is here, I have a coffeehouse that means so much to people, and I am close to my family. My parents are not getting younger. My father is going to have his hips replaced in November, and I can't imagine not being near him for that. I want to be a part of my nieces' and nephew's lives.

So that was my decision. I didn't know how I was gonna break it to John. I felt like I was gonna barf.

After I concluded all this, I went out with my inner-sanctum buddies for drinks and jazz and onion rings. I told them my thoughts.

They said this:

As much as they want me to stay because they love me, I need to go to San Francisco.
Just give myself a year: anything is do-able for a year. If I stay with the company for a year, I won't feel like I've screwed them over.
I won't be 65 in a year. I won't be any less cool than I am now in a year. Info Systems will always be hot for my madd skillz.
I can come back to Delaware at any time and be welcomed home with open arms as if I never left, whether that's after a year, 5 years, a week, 3 months, whatever.
Kathy B. and Gen will take over Knappuccino's and give it love.
Flights back and forth are cheap. I'll also be making good enough money where I can fly back anytime. I can get my east coast fix in whenever I need it.
Kathy B. said she'd even make the flight with me and help me move if I wanted.
My parents are looking to leave NJ anyway, and if I really find roots and a home in San Fran or Texas or Guam or wherever, my folks wouldn't blink about living there for 1/2 the year.
My kids will be snarky east coasters because I am their mother. :-)
My friends and my life will always be here no matter what.
John will not always be there. If I don't act now, he's gone for good.
I've been given an incredible gift in him, and I should run to it. It is precious.
Acknowledged: Things with John aren't guaranteed, nothing ever is... but there's a magical foundation there and a beautiful willingness to try. I can't throw that away.
If my job and my life totally fall apart in San Fran, I come home.
But I'll never even have a shot at the magic if I stay here.
It's an adventure. And even if it sucks... if it doesn't kill me, it'll make me stronger.

So, I'm coming to San Francisco goddammit.

And it's gonna f-ing rock.

I called John and told him this whole thing last night after I got home. I told him my initial thoughts to stay in Delaware, and then my change of mind to come to San Fran. He asked how I was feeling about it, and I said I was excited but naturally a little nervous about the logistics of it all. He said, "Well, you're allowed to change your mind 4 more times; note that 4 is an even number."     (Eeeeee! He rules.   :-) )

With that said, I just got off the phone (this morning, Thursday) with Info Systems and told them thanks but no thanks. They were disappointed, but they said the door is always open.

I then called Enterpulse to formally accept and to hash out details of moving and such, and my start date is November 3rd. My offer letter is on the way. They're giving me $5K to move, and I'm guaranteed to be able to fly back here to be in The Wall on 12/11.

Rock. :-)